windofgod | anonymous: written

Entry tags:

what is love? baby don't hurt me

anonymous: written

[Maron had been in Luceti for a long while now. For that long while, she had gotten the chance to experience things she'd never imagine at home, mainly the weird stuff that the Malnosso threw at people. She had formed some nice friendships, had a job working to keep her mind from missing Momokuri at Seventh Heaven, and was still keeping her mask on "happy."

However one thing had always been bothering her, even before she was brought to Luceti. It was something that, despite her own beliefs, defended to Masaomi around Christmas, and most recently, that speed dating thing. Sure, she had been there, with the mask on yet again, but what it was designed for...

People had been looking for friendships, people to date, people to love. That love thing was what had weighed heavily on her mind; it always had, though she was good at squashing the though, pushing it down because it wasn't real. It couldn't be. But why would people seek it out, why would there be people looking for it here of all places? Where someone they care about could be taken from them at any moment, seemingly sent home by the Malnosso (or some glitch that they'd overlooked for how long now?) The idea honestly baffled Maron, not one for too many close connections, save for two people over the years: Fin and Miyako.

Because of this curiosity, this need to know why people sought out something so elusive, something that she didn't believe to even exist--

She decides to ask. However, people might think it weird that someone doesn't know what the emotion of love is, or doesn't believe it exists depending on the person. So, she throws part of her bedsheet over the camera, effectively blocking out who is writing, and definitely makes sure the microphone is off-- it'll definitely be staying there. Her handwriting is nondescript (at least she tries to make it so) as to not give her identity away. Anyone can hazard a guess, though she'll have to be pretty damn comfortable to reveal herself to someone.]

What is your definition of 'love'? What do you believe it is, and why is it important to you?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He has no personal experience? Really? He's cute enough! Maybe he's not interested in having a girlfriend then? Huh.

There will be a response a few minutes later, after she's given some thought to all of that.]

But if you're just acting like you would be while being good friends, why not just stay that way? You don't have to call it love, you know? Friends want to be with each other too, sometimes more than others depending on that person.

[Well, it's not that.]

Yeah, but that's the thing. Even though it's not made of anything special, it becomes something special to them, you know? The whole is greater than the sum of the parts and stuff. Nothing they do has to be special as long as they feel like it is.

You don't have to call it anything if you don't want to. I think you only should call it love if that's what you want to call it. I guess. Again, not really that sure.

It almost sounds ordinary. Why is it such a sought after thing then if it's nothing more than... ordinary? Unless there's more to it?

Well, I guess I think most of it is ordinary. After all, more than fifty percent of people get married, right? That doesn't make it any less important, but it does kind of make it less frightening or weird if you think about it.

['Which doesn't always help me, but things are different in those cases... right.']

I guess people make a big deal about it because it can come in different ways, and it can make people crazy for a while. But it doesn't have to. It doesn't have to be anything except what the people involved want it to be.

What would you want it to be if you were in love, Kyon?

[Whoops. Well, maybe it won't matter too much. Maron can write it off that she called him by name. Even if he figures it's someone he knows, figuring out who would be a chore.]

['Huh. So how many people here call me straight-up "Kyon"? ...Not that many, probably, right? Haruhi's not talking to herself. It's not Buffy. Hmm... Well, maybe it'll come out. In the meantime this is plenty distracting of a question.']

...

I guess I wouldn't want it to be a big deal to anyone except us. We wouldn't have to talk about it a lot, but I'd want to [he pauses in writing for a second] not keep secrets. And to have regular fun and to be able to count on her.

['And for her to look like Asahina-san.']

[Ahaha...ha. Not keep secrets is kind of a big deal, she would imagine. Hard to tell someone as well that "Hey I'm a reincarnation of a saint and I seal demons!" as it is. Even as friends, it's hard to not tell someone that. Maybe the Junne/July stuff was close enough...?]

But wouldn't people make it a big deal? I know plenty of people who do, who bother you for every detail of everything that goes on.

[But something did intrigue her in all of that.]

When you say "count on her," what do you mean by that?

Maybe some people would, but you don't have to listen to them. People make all sorts of things into big deals that don't have to be, right? Just to have something to be shocked about or to laugh at... Who cares?

['Where is this going, anyway? "Count on her..." Isn't that obvious? It means...

Well, I guess it's harder to define than it seems.']

And that means you want to be able to be sure someone's on your side when things go wrong. Just for someone to be reliably around is a big deal. Especially around here, though maybe that's not their fault.

So, what's the big reason for asking? Is Anonymous-san falling in love?

People make bigger deals out of it than they need to. But what happens when you think you're in love, and it falls apart? Why would people just want to try again?

[With how much people make it a big deal, with how people throw around "true love" bothers her when it can fall apart and not work. Why call it something that it isn't?

That list bit though-- Maron stares at her journal and nearly marches upstairs to scream NO I AM NOT! but that would be the worst possible thing to do so she'll just write it in caps. All caps is yelling. It works.]

NO I AM NOT.

I don't believe love even exists, I'm just trying to figure out what people think it is, why people even believe in it, and why it's such a good thing.

['Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

...Lady? Yeah, probably lady. Girls usually ask about love more anyway. Although I could be wrong there, because they're also supposed to think love exists. Hmm. Am I that concerned about who this is? Guess I really am curious. And I do feel like I recognize something here.']

Have you ever tried it, Anony-san? It definitely exists. People have had the concept for a pretty long time. They're not faking it, I promise. Whether it's worth it, who knows? I'm not saying it is, but friendship can be hard or stupid too and I think that's worth it. I mean, what do you think is worth it? Is being really happy worth it if it means you'll be really sad at some point? If you don't want to fall in love, I'm pretty sure no one's going to force you to.

There's no point in trying anything when it doesn't exist. People throw around the word, or say what they have with someone else is "true love" and then go and hurt that person, have a disagreement and up and leave. That isn't love. That's using a word.

Friendship comes and goes; sometimes you have a falling out or you lose contact and don't speak to each other. You can reconnect though, and have no strings attached to worry about. Sure, there can be jealousy but if you're close enough it won't matter. I'd rather have friends I care about then having someone tell me something like they love me when they really don't.

Yeah, but there are also people who stay together forever. Just because some people do it wrong doesn't mean the whole thing doesn't exist. It's not so much a thing as a process, right? A process and a struggle that you have to try your best at each day, but some people think it's worth it, and it's really up to them if they do.

I have to say, you seem to have some pretty strong feelings on this for something you've never experienced. Actually, I feel like less people here talk about love than elsewhere I've seen. But either way, if you really don't want it, I don't think anyone will blame you.

I guess so. I've seen it not work, people be hurt, and I don't think it's something that will ever work. If it has for people, then I'm happy for them. Otherwise, I doubt it will be something I care for here. I know plenty of people who would call that weird, but I guess I'll get off easy with you, Kyon.

[At least he's not that judgmental.]

Though, I guess if something were to happen to change my mind, I'd give it a shot. It'll take a lot, though.

Yeah? How much exactly is "a lot", then?

[Now THAT is something she's never even really had to think about. There's a lengthy pause to give this some thought. When she finally responds, there's pauses every so often in what she writes.]

Well... for starters, I guess I'd want them to be... Open and honest. People can lie about things as if it were nothing, but I'd have to have some level of trust before I knew that they wouldn't be doing that at every turn. Once I can trust them, I know that they wouldn't hurt me. Not on purpose, I mean. Mistakes happen, and I know that, so... I guess I'd have to get to know their personality too.

[There's another pause as she thinks about things she hadn't touched upon.]

I guess if they could show me what love was - and not the sexual kind, so don't even think that - something tangible, I guess I could be all right with it. I never really saw any good examples except for fairy tales and those are just stories anyway. Anything through actions, subtle things, I guess. It doesn't need to be grandiose like roses filling up a room for Valentine's Day or White Day or anything like that. Something that only I would see from him, I guess.

Sounds like it's not that much different from what other people want from it. They're just not as clearsighted about it as you.

['I'm really starting to get a familiar vibe from Anony-chan here... Hmm...']

So what do you think? Know anyone who satisfies even one of those things?

That's almost a loaded question, but... I guess there's one person here that I trust a little bit. So, I guess there's at least meets one requirement, slightly.

Hey, well, that's a pretty good start. Don't worry, I won't ask who. Is it really just one?

Also, by the way, did anyone else say anything useful?

Edited 2013-08-07 04:30 (UTC)

It's only one, yes. I mean, there's people who are cute, but that's about it.

I... haven't seen much else that's useful, per se. Not unless you count someone saying that love is a mental illness. Someone said something interesting about sacrifice too.

Well, good enough. The rest of it isn't my business.

I'm plenty familiar with the mental illness theory. It's got something to it, that's for sure. As for sacrifice, maybe that too, but it's that kind of thing I was thinking of when I said people sometimes take it more seriously than it has to be. Not that it can't be that, but it doesn't have to be. Probably.

Anyway, sounds like you got a few different answers at least.

You sound like you're kind of curious though. I could make it fair and ask if you have anyone you think could satisfy your own views? I understand if you'd rather not tell a stranger [Hah but not really] that sort of thing.

You too then? You think it could be a mental illness like what Haruhi said? [After all those nice words for this subject? That was hard to believe.] Since you seem to get the sacrifice thing, are we talking hanging out with friends, giving up eating mushrooms because the other person doesn't like them, or something else?

[However, she can understand sacrifice to an extent. Maron gave up a lot to be able to help Fin when the small angel came to her asking for help. She gave up most of her own life to do so; no time to really do anything with friends, barely time to do her homework... maybe that was "love" but in a different form.]

Well, if I were curious, since you're a stranger, it wouldn't even matter if I did know, right?

['Yeah, right.']

I don't agree with the mental illness view, but she has a point. When it's in its initial form, if it's really strong, it changes the way you think about things. One doesn't think about other things. A fixation's a form of mental illness. But just saying that's what it is doesn't really help anyone decide how to go about it, right?

As for sacrifice, it's not so much that you have to as that you become willing to, right? You become willing to give up things that you thought before that you cared about. If they make your world weirder, and you liked things normal, you stop liking them normal and you start liking them weirder. That's how I'd interpret that, anyway.

I guess not. Whether I tell you or not who I actually slightly trust is a different story, but you're pretty cute. I can admit that at least.

[But she'll pause to mull over his view of love being an illness.]

Right. But you don't have to be fixated on just one thing, I don't see why you'd want to just... forget about everything else and stay focused on one person. That seems kind of... lonely.

Hm... I guess that makes sense too. But you don't necessarily have to give things up, or sacrifice things, right?

['...Well, now I guess I really have to hope it's an Anony-chan. I guess it's a compliment either way, but I can't help having a sudden Koizumi flashback. Undesirable.

I guess that means we're friends. However, she also doesn't trust me? The stark truth is always easier anonymously. Then again, "don't trust" doesn't have to mean "distrust." If trust is hard, that makes sense.']

Well, thanks, I guess.

Anyway, you don't want to have most mental illnesses, right? But it might happen either way. As far as I know, that's the point. Or part of the point. Same thing with giving things up. Doing one thing always means giving up on another... but nothing's necessarily true about it except having another person, right?

...Like I said, I guess I don't really know any more than you. If it's anything like other big things, talking about it isn't anything like actually doing it.

Don't take it the wrong way. You have more of my trust than a lot of other people, here and at home included. [He did help her escape from a lava-filled room instead of just leaving her there and going himself.]

I guess you're right, though. I don't know if there's things I could give up even if I were asked, but... I guess some sort of sacrifice isn't bad, depending on what it is.

[There's a pause while reading that last part though. Colour her surprised.]

You haven't had any experience in that field? Most people I know have said that they've been in love a few times! And you haven't? I don't know if I can believe that.

written/anonymous

no subject

written/anonymous

no subject

written/anonymous

written

written/anonymous

written

written/anonymous

no subject

written/anonymous

no subject

written/anonymous

written

written/anonymous

written

written/anonymous

written

written/anonymous

written

written/anonymous

written

written/anonymous

written

written/anonymous